The powerful art of storytelling
posted Thursday, February 12th, 2009 at 11:24 am
the storyteller
As my research on WoLFi has developed I’m tending towards using ‘narrative inquiry’ as an approach to the data I’m collecting. Why? Because stories are powerful, intrinsically interesting and compelling. I love the simplity of storytelling to illuminate complex or often profound ideas. On ‘motherhood’ blogs, I have read some really facinating, heart-wrenching, and compelling ‘birth stories’. An inspirational blog Taurus Rising gives the mother’s and father’s version of their son’s birth. Both these stories were so powerful, I was quite overwhelmed reading them, because I felt like I had been taken on a journey and really understood what they went through.
I’d like to hear your stories about your transition to parenthood, a post birth story if you like. What changed in your life after your first, or subsequent ‘bundles of joy’ arrived. Taking the W out of WoLFi, I’m particularly interested in knowing how your paid Work circumstances changed, and also your unpaid Work, or anything else that profoundly changed for you or your partner. All stories will get a beautifully crafted ’supurb storyteller’ blog award for your efforts, designed by me, Aztec-Rose.
Here’s my story. After Possum was born my life changed completely. We’ll it really happened while I was pregnant, my career focus just moved itself to the back burner and baby and my future imaginings with her took over my life. Possum was a much anticipated, not easy to concieve baby, and when she was born Mr G and I were smitten. After her birth it took me a while to get the hang of breastfeeeding. Luckily the hospital pump kept the milk supply coming. The lactation consultant was not much help, and it was my close girlfriend who taught me how to breastfeed. Her key words, were ‘relax, the baby knows what to do’, and she did. I felt in many ways I was not a ‘natural’ mother, if there is such thing. I was late to mothering, with so many other things I wanted to do in my life first. I returned to paid work, I day a week when Possum was 4 months old. Too early in retrospect, my breasts we’re bursting by the end of the day, and I didn’t feel comfortable pumping at work. I did ask my male boss, if I could leave early each day to breastfeed. He gave me some pathetic excuse about work insurance not covering me if I did, but I left early anyway. The main reason I returned to work then, was that my job was still a contract, not permanent position. Keeping my attachment to the workforce paid off, as I was finally were offered ‘permanency’. I asked for 3 days a week, although 2 was what I would have preferred to spend more time with Possum. Economic pressures, played a part here, I was now the one with the secure job, and regular money coming in. Mr G has his own business, with dry periods of no, or little work. This happened at the time of Possums birth, which was good in all ways, except financial, because Mr G had as much time to bond and care for Possum as I did. We tag-teamed. We still do. I slept at night, while Mr G, being a night owl, did the night feeds with expressed milk. We were lucky Possum took to both breast and bottle. As Possum has grown, my interest in my career has moved from the back burner to equal place with family. I am studying to hopefully secure a more interesting job in the future. Mr G, keeps his hours to about 30 per week, so he has time for Possum. Our relationship has become more Possum focused, but we do try to keep some time for us too. On this journey to parenthood I have felt tired, frustrated, and guilty at times, but I have also felt immense joy, pride, happiness, and love.
hey aztec rose! i knew i had heard your ‘name’ somewhere , and it wasnt on my blog, it was bluemilks! i tried to open the link from your post and it didnt work, but thanks to a comment on bluemilk now i have found you! how wonderful to ‘know’ who you are! what a great blog/phd too! kel. gosh, work, birth, life… dont get me started, well…ok!
kel said this on February 12th, 2009 at 10:36 pm
I’d like to reply, but I’ll have to think about it longer. Is it OK if there is some delay? There were so many moments of transition, from the dawning realisation of pregnancy in the middle of my (first attempt) at my honours year, to all the choices made over and over again through the years since. I still don’t always think of myself as a knee-jerk parent.
Pen said this on February 15th, 2009 at 8:10 am
Take your time. Look forward to hearing your story.
aztec-rose said this on February 15th, 2009 at 9:34 am
Hey aztec-rose, I blathered on a bit, so I posted it here.
Ariane said this on February 17th, 2009 at 8:16 pm
I’ll try and do something for you too, it’ll end up on my blog sometime soon hopefully. I’ll let you know when/if I get it written!
mimbles said this on February 17th, 2009 at 10:02 pm
Ariane’s fascinating post is really worth a look. Your ’supurb storyteller’ award will be coming soon.
aztec-rose said this on February 18th, 2009 at 7:38 am
Am having much trouble because what I wish to write about is very difficult and confronting for me, so I’ll give you a bare bones version. It’s about after the Noodle was ill in Spain,and after we came home. The husband and I had always tried to balance part time work and parenting and study between the two of us – it was important to us to try and balance our commitment to the Noodle with pursuing things we valued highly and also just earning enough to keep the family ticking over.
After he was ill this just became impossible. At first he couldn’t walk at all, and was going in to hospital three or four times a week for therapy and medical appointments, plus therapists coming to the house. He needed help for many, many things – sitting on the toilet, washing, getting from room to room since he was not strong enough to propel his wheelchair himself. He gradually got better, but he needed a high level of care for a long time. He will always need a fairly high level of care – we need to keep an eye on him to make sure he doesn’t get sick again.
The stress levels were extreme. The Noodle’s first school year was looming, and we were worried about how that would go for many reasons. I was on yet another extended period of leave from my PhD. The husband was stressing about his job – he couldn’t bear to do any more hours.
So I took the decision – to keep the family functioning we needed one adult responsible for childcare, and one adult earning enough money to provide a slight financial surplus to reduce the financial pressure. So I quit the PhD, applied for the public service and dragged the family to the ACT once we’d made certain that the education system here would be sympathetic to our needs. It was actually all about work life balance for all three of us – being able to have a life where we weren’t all stressed all the time, where the husband had a bit of space for his writing and he could run around after the Noodle as needed.
This leaves out quite a lot of the tears and madness that have ensued, but it was absolutely the right decision for all of us. I don’t know quite how I managed to pull it off though. It probably seems quite minor to other people, but it was a decision that gave up everything I had been working towards for ten years, and completely changed my perception of myself. I’m still learning who I might be I guess.
Pen said this on February 27th, 2009 at 7:42 pm
I hope that didn’t sound whiny. That’s not what I meant at all – it was a very good decision with excellent outcomes. Just difficult to make.
Pen said this on February 27th, 2009 at 8:34 pm
Thanks Pen for your honest and insightful story. A lot of this work family balance stuff seems to be about making really hard decisions that are best for you all. Well done on having the courage to follow it through, with obviously satisfying results.
aztec-rose said this on February 28th, 2009 at 3:41 pm
Pen, I just about fell apart making the decision to abandon a PhD for reasons pertaining only to myself – there is no way you could sound whiny having to make that decision for reasons outside yourself as well. Congratulations on making such a touch call and for getting it so right. It’s no small achievement.
(I hope that didn’t sound condescending, if you could hear my tone of voice, you’d know it wasn’t!)
Ariane said this on March 1st, 2009 at 11:04 am
Didn’t sound condescending. I am always afraid of judgement from those still on the academic track. They kind of assume I’ll be back or that what I’m doing now is somehow lesser. Thanks for recognising the rightness of the decision – it’s a weird and good feeling.
Pen said this on March 1st, 2009 at 12:40 pm